Category Archives: X-rated fiction

Bobbi Eden – an appreciation.


I would go Dutch with this naughty blonde. She is 32 years old and has a fantastic physique. She has been in porn since she was 18. She dances with panache and sucks guys off with elan. Her age is slightly catching up with her – nothing a little botox could not ifx. She really seems to be happy in her work. She is smouldering. She strips with self-assurance and sultriness. She lezzes off with as much verve as she does hetero sex. She is free spirited and fun. She is leggy and always stylish. Her English is flawless but with a winsome Nederlands accent.

In 2010 the Netherlands was in the World Cup Final. She vowed that if the Netherlands lifted the world cup she would fellate every one of her fans on her site. I cried Hoop Holland Hoop! Thankfully for her the Ducth team was defeated by Spain.

She has given birth but her labia are still presentable. I wish there were more girls like her.

She does Greek love but this starlet is so adorable I rather wish that she did not.

The problem with porn


It may shock you to discover that I have cast an eye over a naughty photo or two in my life. I have even watched a new dirty films. I was first shown a porn mag aged 12 by a French boy on exchange at my prep school. At that stage I found it distasteful – these girls were doing the pinky shot. For the uninitiated this means holding their pesh flaps open. I turned away – almost scared by it. My sister and I happened across a soft core film when I was 8! It was in the video cupboard at home. My parents never found out. It was the ups and downs of a handyman. It was a 1970s British slapstick erotic film. The handyman was invited in by housewives and they more or less fell over and into bed. There was nudity but no actual sex – no erections. We watched it impassive – oddly neither us seemed to feel embarrased. We never discussed it. 

As a teenager in an all boys’ boarding school porn became my staple. I was at first agin at owing to religious reasons. I had had hetero fantasies about Bond girls since the age of 9. I was turned on by the idea of a harem and imagined being Charlemagne and having girls from all over the world. I had very catholic tastes in that sense. By my Catholic beliefs hampered my development. 

Aged 15 I succumbed to my horniness. I used casuistry to persuade myself that breaking the rules of the Catechism was permissible in this area. British porn mags in those days were rather tame. There were naked girls and the occasional pinky shot. But there was no sex – it was not permitted. Girls would lezz off but there were no snaps of them being boned. Nor were they penetrated by toys or tongues. 

My eager hands were all atremble with anticipation as I opened a new dirty magazine. I could not believe that these gorgeous girls would display their inmost parts. What was a pussy like? What is it really like though? – I thought. What was it like inside? How did it feel? 

My hormones were raging. When I was 18 we had a few blue films in the sixth form common room in the house. These were hardcore – continental imports. Staightlaced Britain did not permit actual sex to be shown. Thank God for our freespirited neighbours. Some Red Hot Dutch did the trick. Our American cousins supplied more stimulus material. 

There is ado in the United Kingdom about porn. I looked at porn well below the legal age as did all but the religious maniacs at school. I think it did little or no lasting harm to the sexuality of the boys. I do not advocate it for teenagers either. 

Now that porn is almost mainstream the porn industry has had to keep pushing the envelope so as to keep itself being daring. Anything tame is exciting. The banality of porn has led to more outre porn. I have seen clips in video cabins where the boy is slapping the girls face as he copulates with her. This is not my cup of tea – ones skips from one channel to the next on the control panel. Some blue films showing the man throttling the girl as he has congress with her. 

Call me a hopeless romantic but I have never found the notion of strangling someone or slapping their face in the least erotic. But each to their own. Some people are into a spot of slap and throttle. Far be it from me to deny them their fun. 

There are calls abroad to ban extreme porn. I am minded to support free speech but I am also open to persuasion on this issue.

They say some murderers have been influenced by brutal porn images. This does not prove a causal link. How about those who murdered and did not view porn? Maybe they should be forced to view it so as to calm them down. 

Anal is now all but ubiquitous in adult films. It is a rare porno doll who does not take it up the batty. Bum sex has become the sine qua non of a porn career. Why is this? Vaginal sex is just too vanilla. Botty sex pushes the boat out. Sometimes I see girls so pretty in porn that I do not want them to take it up the wrong un. Take Vickie Powell – such a sweetie. I respect her for never allowing her rear end to be penetrated. She seems so personable – could take her back to tea with my mum; as the saying goes.

Boys watch these sex films and are then inclined to try to replicate the white hot scenes with their girlfriends.

Simulated rape has long been forbidden in the United Kingdom. It is permitted in Denmark. I do not see why this should be. We have simulated killing – so why not rape? Rape is a horrific crime. I read that one-third of women have fantasiies about being raped. That does not mean they actually wish to suffer this crime. Some men fantasise about raping. That does not mean they wish to commit this heinous offence. They may wish to role play it. 

If pretend rape actually could be shown to indisputable increase the incidence of this crime there would be a strong case for forbidding it. But to prohibit artistic performance because one finds such an act to be rebarbative is unfair and is an attack on freedom. 

We should not blame porn for all the ills of the world. There was a time when I bought a mag a week. I was almost addicted to it. Then in the Muslim world I could not buy  it but could still access porn hub. To some degree porn – like other types of drama – reflect society rather than influences it. 

Hands off our filth! Isn’t it interesting how people characterise porn as dirty. Even I do – but in an attractive way. Many people find the notion that something is forbidden to be rather alluring. 

There are boundaries to what people seem to want. I imagined that some men would have a menstruation fetish – all other kinks are catered for. But I have never seen this. I thought some men would like to see faecal matter on the willies of men who had just done bum sex with some female. But I have never seen this in porn. Maybe no one wants this.

Porn where the performer is over 18 but is pretending to be underage is banned. This is controversial. In Great Britain the age of consent is 16. There is nothing immoral in an adult – not in a position of trust – copulating with a 16 year old. As the Lib Dem Evan Harris said if it is legal to do it then it should be legal to show it. I do not think that those under 18 should be in porn. It is a big decision to agree to permanent images being out there of one having sex. Porn is prostitution and that is quite a line to cross. People need to be 18 before they are allowed to take that step. But with adults impliedly playing those age 16 – these harms no one. The argument against is that it will encouraged people to have sex with 16 year olds. But this is lawful anyway! 

This is a vexatious issue. People ought to debate it tranquilly. I see no overriding reason for further restrictions on adult viewing material.

Kate Middleton’s kegs.


I am not the only one who looked up Kate Middleclass’s cans. I only did it so I could take an informed part in this philosophical dialogue on the limits of free speech versus the merits of privacy. Oh bollocks – that is not remotely convincing. So I wanted to make sure that her blest progeny shall be amply nourished with the milk of human kindness. Having said that there must be a market for human milk. I am sure that pervs would pay top dollar for such milk.

Anyway, she got her norks out in a private garden fairly far from the road and surrounded by a hedge. She has a very reasonable expectation of privacy. A papparazo with a telephoto lens took a topless photo of her. The snap was very grainy so he must have been hundreds of metres away. He will have lain in wait like an assassin.

I do feel a little sorry for her.

I have an idea for her to raise funds. If she really wants to help the starving children in Africa why not get her tits out in the Sun? Then she would be a real modern princess – a real girl of the people. For that matter – why not full frontal nudity in Playboy. Not being flippant – think what that would do to relieve world poverty. You may talk about royal dignity but more kudos should accrue to such an act because it is humanitarian.

I am against that peeping Tom who took a photo of her with his mega zoom camera. Now it is a tad hypocritical that I chose to view the offending photograph. That said, as millions have gazed upon her baby bottles I am unconvinced that my perusing of her puppies has made a major difference to the legality of the lensman’s action.

I think the editor of Closer deserves a very hefty fine to obviate the incentive to do this again. It must ensure that publishing such a pic leads to a loss. France is said to have strong privacy laws. I would like to see this proven.