State of the Union.

my fellow

I am presidential. fucking presidential.

Here with first lady. Hope hicks

sorry she is a cheer leader.

She is like monica Lewinsky . in the oral office. I mean oval orifice

 

we are united by our American flag#

it has a red back ground and blue cross and thirteen stars

oh shit wrong flat. my fans in Charlottesville flew that

# our flag. 10 stars for 10 original colonies

a star for every state. 57 stars. our states. califronia and LA and canada and bahamas

African American unemployment lowest ever

it was evern lower before civil war. let us go back to that

make America great again

how can women accuse me of rape|?

make America rape again

BLM is bullshit

make American racist again

I love china; great people. great leader. great wall.

let us do business with china

I hate those Chinese who steal our jobs and manufacture all the stuff I sell

I want smart immigrants from china. But I hate those Chinese taking our jobs like wendy deng

I am a compassionate consvertave. I forgive illegal immigrants if you are

#nude models from Slovenia.

As for dreamers. we are all dreamers

I have a dream as martin ltuehr said. that german  guy.

I dream of deporting Mexicans all mexians. mexian americans. democratic voeters#

I dream of nuking the world.

south kira. no I mean north krea.  no east korea? N west korea. huntingdon’s chorea

end f my career?

end war in energy.

let us have beautfil clan coal

I call melaia coal.

coal is clean. no coal dust polltuon fake nes

no global warming fake news

no evolution fake news

no chirstopher Columbia did not come here. fake news.

science is fake news

America is the best

democracy

the candste with the most votes loses

 

no tax for the rich

best at detay penrlayt

best at racism

the stupid American ie better than the smartest foreigner

only allow immirgants hwo speak perfetc English I only allow immigrant who are americna

I love the less well educated. you can guess why.

you do not need healhtcrae. you need guns.

 

Hillary Clinton is the chief of Al Qaeda

hillarys best friend is a terrorist called Ben Ghazi.

an evil power conspires ahainst America. it is the FBI and the CIA

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Trump opposes illegal immigrants except…

nude models from Slovenia.

 

Accents from outside the British Isles. =========

Black south African.

I would like to thank you for your support

In the anti apartheied struggle. It was  along walk to freedom

when I was imprisoned on robben island

# for many years my spirits were buiyed up

by fraternal greetings from people all around the globe

who were engaged in similar battles for self assertion and national salvation

I was filled with a patriotic fervour when I pondered on these kindred spirits who were

engaged in similar revolutions for the uploftment of all mankind

===============

white south african

hello how’s it? My name is flippie van der velded and I am from jo burg

if you want to get to the spring bok bar then do down to the traffic circle and take the second exit

when you get to the robitis turn right? Ok. there you can have some biltoong at the braai.

There are some really cool people from UCT at the party there.

=============

NIGERIA

I am the right reverenda Englishman akintundge

I am the pastor of tower of praise church. the goals of our church are to evangaise for our lord and saviour jesus chirst

to acquire real property bith in Nigeria and abroad.

we preach the proepseoty gospel. give money to the pastr and the lord will give you back ten times more

# it is nt a bad invesmnet. if you have faith

what did the thtee wise men bring to the baby jesys They bring hm gold. so if you are ise bring me gold

Me and my wife winnifred and vaee married for many etars, . bre fruitual and mutlipl. do ot the good book say?

we awere belessed with our girls damsel and immaculate.

then we have the boys Ezekiel. melchiziedek, Israel and englishman

 

===========

Arab

I am a paediatrician and I work at the hospital in sauid arabia

I looked after the very sick kids

it is a hard work but somebody has got to do it and I am a very nicee guy

I am working for the Aramaic pil company

of couse I am a muslm so I believe in allah

I do not like the people of Israel so much. I support my brother in a Palestine.

not all arabs know how to ride the camel. If you think that we all ride camle then you are stupid

I will go and drinka pepsi

 

============

Indian

I am from India. The city of Mumbai. Before freedom Britishers were here

they called it Bombay.

I do not so much like the Pakistani people. they put the bomb into Bombay

I love old India too much.

If you get in a soup you can call me.

If the police stop you they might ask for for some bucks. If you pay a crore to these goondas they will make some adjustment

this happen to me thrice. I am paying rupees five lakh

are you marriage? What is your post? What is your father’s post?

put your tongue on the top of your pallet and curry favor.

 

========

Singapore

I am Sinapore people. we speak English very well but sometimes it is singlish

we just make a few mistake lah

sometimes we mixin in Chinese mandarin, catonese or malay phrases.

some people do not know what is properly englisg and whgat is not

they not saying the and a that is wasting words

did you take a brick in the break room. we are not good at out long and short vowels.

do not make a mistake.

=================

Standard American

welcome to the USA

trump is our president. I do not think he is real good.

I wish he would turn off the Fawcett of public tax dollars that are being spent

rebuild the railroad. That is twenty times better for the environment than airplanes.

I take climate change seriously. sure.

 

 

=============

Southern USA

it is quarter of tayin

the statue of rober E lee must stay in Charlottesville.

I wish those anti gun people would stop hating on freedom.

I do not like the fancy talk of those people from colleges. #

Do not say that we are dumb. I am a redneck and proud. #

I got my gun and I got my bourbon. I am  aa southern gentleman.

======

Spanish#

I had a collegeau called Olga and she said hello

I said are you from spain

she said how do you know?

I like the revolution in spain when we aere figting against franco he was an asshole saying viva espana

I do not like bullfighting.

rbtish women have a reptuaiton for real whore sin spain.

============

Italian

I am from Italy. I worked in a company for many etars

I know I have this crazy Italian accent,

my voice goes up and down all the time. I like to have a rhythm to the syllabkes

becayse that is the way we spoea in Italoan

with a vowel at tge end of every word

how do you say in the English smart car

what about internet point  or a self bar?

I have a cat and I love she.

========

I am from France. I live in near orissy Charles de gaulle.

I like eat the canard in a sauce berneaise. so say the trut to me. I learn English since ten year.

I speak very good. is Itt possible that you will think I am the English?

France is a republic that give equality to all the people.

In france we have many people of maroc , the bietnman and the sgenral and all are frencg.

 

 

==============

German

I am from the Germany . ya. I speak god english.

in fact English is just the same as german.

I do not like the way people are fixated with 12 years of our history under the nationa; socialist dictatrship

=========

DUTCH

when I got to the amswetrdam schipohl air poort I was told welcome to the betherland and amswertdamn

#I was met by te queen of Holland.

remember in the nertlands you can smoke cannabis but with hard drugs we take a zero tolerance approach.

 

=============

Romania

I hope you like Romania. you are like a communist.

In the kindergarten one kid say alex bite him in the ass.

I like to travel on Romanian railroad. you can go to the see to the water

there are many things I like to do. to control the traffic in the town.

==============

Russia

I live in Russia. do not forget that mother Russia is a great country. in the west

people favour the indivudal too much over the cimmubity

you have forgotten family values.

we have a magnificently rich culture and many heroes such as alexander Kutuzov.

========

Azerbiajna

My country is azerbian republic. we are near to the turkey.

we do not like armenai so much. th

we celebrate bayram and cut the sheep/w

we have big wedding party.

we do not thrown bread on the country . is it not a shame for you?  I have a problem with you.

========

New Zealand

I like Ne Zealand do you like new xealnd?

we are environemtnally friendsly. we dp heaps of things for the enviemenront

it is absolutel ridiculisu nt do do so.

animal rights acitivts recued some hen froma  battery farm yesrrfay

 

================

Jamaica.

you al right? wog won me bredrin. in Jamaica we speak the queens englidh and patois.

usain is te ational bero or Jamaica

but we also like his imperial majesty jan ras tafari

I am living in London in harledon by Willesden junction station

my sn him like him dancing but him no lkke him henglish

him want to oin the harmy#

if you is hungry when you get here were feed you a hamaicam patty.

 

===============

 

 

 

Trump aritculates

My fellow Americans,

I am here with my wife. Marla. Is it Marla now? Melissa? Whoever.

I saw some really hot leggy blone called Ivanka

looked kind of familiar#

but she is married to jewish dweeb called jared

I will call in a drone strike on him.

I met this old German dyke called Angela Markel.

She said please do not nuke North Korea.

I said you must have blood coming out of your wherever.

#I said who cares if ten million little yellow bastards get killed.

Why not blow up North Korea. It does not have a trump tower. Must be a shit hole.

But I like Kim Jon ON

His hairstyle makes mine look ok.

He is a great leader. Really tough.

The North Korean media respect him. I want the Washington press to do the same for me.

==================

I want you to know that I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus and I believe in Christ. I believe in Hail Mary.

shouldn’t that be Mary Hale?

I believe in Jesus and his 12 reindeer.

I believe in the Bible. Not a lot of peopLe knows that it was written by Mr Bull. That is why it is called by Bull

I read the Bible. It goot some real nice photos.

I like the ten amendments#

Thou shalt own a gun

thou shalt shoot ethnic minorities

thou shalt never tell the truth.

thou shalt commit adultery

thou shalt commit sexual assault

thou shall fuck the poor.

thou shalt use foul language all the time

thou shalt defraud people at the university that you name after thyself

 

hE WHo lives by the gun shall not die by the gun.

=============

VATICAN

I was there to see the president.

Then this guy called Mr Pope came out.

He was a Hispanic drag artist in a white  dress.

I aod fuck off Mr Pope. where is the president?

That Mr Pope had all his faggot drag arists in black dresses

I never did get to meet the president of Vatican.

======

SAUDI

I said too the KIng of Saudi I said Salmon – Your majesty, motherfucker – never let those muslim assholes in here

he said nothing

I said Salmon you gonne help me kill ISIS

he said bro – we send money, guns and men to ISIS.

I said I love ISIS too. They say rape is good and I do too.

I never  ever sad I WAS AGAINST isis/

that never ever happened. fake news.

SO I SAID TO salmon king – muslims are good but  do not let any arabs into Saudi.

===============

MC CAIN.

I HATE  james mc cain. He is a coward, got captured in vietnam

I never got captured in Nam.

I was unable to go to Vietnam.  had a broken finger nail.

I am a hero. I was brave to go to Fordham. I need a congressional medal of honr

====================

FRANCE

#I MET manuel macaroni

wyy are there African americans in france

you got a basketball team?

they are dumb those African americans in france. they speak french.

=============

 

 

 

 

What do you call a screaming Welshman?

Hywell.

=====================

What is the best name for a man from the border of England and Scotland?

 

Roman Walls.

The new version of is the Pope a Catholic?

Is the Pope a paedo?

Is Corbyn a Commie?

Is Nigel a nationalist?

Is Paisley a Prod?

What is the most apposite name for a woman with stylish footgear?

Chelsea Boots