Daily Archives: December 6, 2017

Jesus is out of cash

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Aged 33 Jesus went to an inn in Bethlehem. Ssy to the innkeeper how much is a room. The innkeeper said it is 75 shekels. 75 shekels. I have only 3 – could you pput me up for a few hours? The innkeeper was a kindly man so he did. That is Christian generosity.

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Accents from outside the British Isles. =========

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Black south African.

I would like to thank you for your support

In the anti apartheied struggle. It was  along walk to freedom

when I was imprisoned on robben island

# for many years my spirits were buiyed up

by fraternal greetings from people all around the globe

who were engaged in similar battles for self assertion and national salvation

I was filled with a patriotic fervour when I pondered on these kindred spirits who were

engaged in similar revolutions for the uploftment of all mankind

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white south african

hello how’s it? My name is flippie van der velded and I am from jo burg

if you want to get to the spring bok bar then do down to the traffic circle and take the second exit

when you get to the robitis turn right? Ok. there you can have some biltoong at the braai.

There are some really cool people from UCT at the party there.

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NIGERIA

I am the right reverenda Englishman akintundge

I am the pastor of tower of praise church. the goals of our church are to evangaise for our lord and saviour jesus chirst

to acquire real property bith in Nigeria and abroad.

we preach the proepseoty gospel. give money to the pastr and the lord will give you back ten times more

# it is nt a bad invesmnet. if you have faith

what did the thtee wise men bring to the baby jesys They bring hm gold. so if you are ise bring me gold

Me and my wife winnifred and vaee married for many etars, . bre fruitual and mutlipl. do ot the good book say?

we awere belessed with our girls damsel and immaculate.

then we have the boys Ezekiel. melchiziedek, Israel and englishman

 

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Arab

I am a paediatrician and I work at the hospital in sauid arabia

I looked after the very sick kids

it is a hard work but somebody has got to do it and I am a very nicee guy

I am working for the Aramaic pil company

of couse I am a muslm so I believe in allah

I do not like the people of Israel so much. I support my brother in a Palestine.

not all arabs know how to ride the camel. If you think that we all ride camle then you are stupid

I will go and drinka pepsi

 

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Indian

I am from India. The city of Mumbai. Before freedom Britishers were here

they called it Bombay.

I do not so much like the Pakistani people. they put the bomb into Bombay

I love old India too much.

If you get in a soup you can call me.

If the police stop you they might ask for for some bucks. If you pay a crore to these goondas they will make some adjustment

this happen to me thrice. I am paying rupees five lakh

are you marriage? What is your post? What is your father’s post?

put your tongue on the top of your pallet and curry favor.

 

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Singapore

I am Sinapore people. we speak English very well but sometimes it is singlish

we just make a few mistake lah

sometimes we mixin in Chinese mandarin, catonese or malay phrases.

some people do not know what is properly englisg and whgat is not

they not saying the and a that is wasting words

did you take a brick in the break room. we are not good at out long and short vowels.

do not make a mistake.

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Standard American

welcome to the USA

trump is our president. I do not think he is real good.

I wish he would turn off the Fawcett of public tax dollars that are being spent

rebuild the railroad. That is twenty times better for the environment than airplanes.

I take climate change seriously. sure.

 

 

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Southern USA

it is quarter of tayin

the statue of rober E lee must stay in Charlottesville.

I wish those anti gun people would stop hating on freedom.

I do not like the fancy talk of those people from colleges. #

Do not say that we are dumb. I am a redneck and proud. #

I got my gun and I got my bourbon. I am  aa southern gentleman.

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Spanish#

I had a collegeau called Olga and she said hello

I said are you from spain

she said how do you know?

I like the revolution in spain when we aere figting against franco he was an asshole saying viva espana

I do not like bullfighting.

rbtish women have a reptuaiton for real whore sin spain.

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Italian

I am from Italy. I worked in a company for many etars

I know I have this crazy Italian accent,

my voice goes up and down all the time. I like to have a rhythm to the syllabkes

becayse that is the way we spoea in Italoan

with a vowel at tge end of every word

how do you say in the English smart car

what about internet point  or a self bar?

I have a cat and I love she.

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I am from France. I live in near orissy Charles de gaulle.

I like eat the canard in a sauce berneaise. so say the trut to me. I learn English since ten year.

I speak very good. is Itt possible that you will think I am the English?

France is a republic that give equality to all the people.

In france we have many people of maroc , the bietnman and the sgenral and all are frencg.

 

 

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German

I am from the Germany . ya. I speak god english.

in fact English is just the same as german.

I do not like the way people are fixated with 12 years of our history under the nationa; socialist dictatrship

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DUTCH

when I got to the amswetrdam schipohl air poort I was told welcome to the betherland and amswertdamn

#I was met by te queen of Holland.

remember in the nertlands you can smoke cannabis but with hard drugs we take a zero tolerance approach.

 

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Romania

I hope you like Romania. you are like a communist.

In the kindergarten one kid say alex bite him in the ass.

I like to travel on Romanian railroad. you can go to the see to the water

there are many things I like to do. to control the traffic in the town.

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Russia

I live in Russia. do not forget that mother Russia is a great country. in the west

people favour the indivudal too much over the cimmubity

you have forgotten family values.

we have a magnificently rich culture and many heroes such as alexander Kutuzov.

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Azerbiajna

My country is azerbian republic. we are near to the turkey.

we do not like armenai so much. th

we celebrate bayram and cut the sheep/w

we have big wedding party.

we do not thrown bread on the country . is it not a shame for you?  I have a problem with you.

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New Zealand

I like Ne Zealand do you like new xealnd?

we are environemtnally friendsly. we dp heaps of things for the enviemenront

it is absolutel ridiculisu nt do do so.

animal rights acitivts recued some hen froma  battery farm yesrrfay

 

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Jamaica.

you al right? wog won me bredrin. in Jamaica we speak the queens englidh and patois.

usain is te ational bero or Jamaica

but we also like his imperial majesty jan ras tafari

I am living in London in harledon by Willesden junction station

my sn him like him dancing but him no lkke him henglish

him want to oin the harmy#

if you is hungry when you get here were feed you a hamaicam patty.

 

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Accents

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Scottish.

See you Jimmy. How you doin pal? Nae bad nae bad, can your sel? I cannae believe it . fit you doin in the weekend. a bit of  fitba and telly. d you ken hen? I am not forty thtee. I am among th young folk. You are no a wee people bizm.

Morningside. the home of scottish gentility. sir Malcolm Rifkind. unpardonable folly.

advocate.

Aberdeen. what a team . we are red, you are dead, we arr bouncing on your head we are abderdeoen

go down inion street to the bon accord centre. the haar. if you don’t mind talking to a minker like me

 

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Geordie.

It is day three in the big brother house and they s all in the lounge having their toast.

#Kayleigh Ann from Gateshead is going to the diary room. she wants to go home because she s a Geordie lass. then she can  go doon the tooon for some posh nosh and get totally arse holed like.

she is come canny tackle. way aye man

 

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YORKSHIRE

Aye oop. ow ou doin’? are you yorkshire. ye  ot from around ere. I tell thee we don t get many stragerns in gods own country so wide thy bloody feet.

you got that mr  malley?

we don’t like bloody tory gov ment down in London.

we do whatever we bloody well like.

 

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MANCHESTER

 

smashing great super terriric. I am a manc and not a scally.

this is my old house at om. I am up for it and mad for it.

my bst frm manchetsr is called clur.

I dont like southern softies.

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liverpool

that wa s afukc funny fact pack at fazarkaley.

I am on the ron. I got to get a Chrissy pressy for me uncle baa. that was a speech by the lord mayr of liverpool

west dery is not in Derbyshire.

take a ferry across the Mersey. don’t the sun newspaper. we do noto say t at the end just like Dublin.

 

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northmapton. aye up me duck

nothing gay about that

 

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COCKENY

I AM A Cockney wanker. born to the sound of bow bells. it is outrageous the state of the nation.

blood hell and cor blimely core blimey. the labour party. ken livingstone. fanki you. how are you?

I don ;t and all in it? you fukcin cunt and scum. sarf laahdnaahn.

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ESSEX

the dukes ezpeirnec ein chelmdsofrrf. got enoygh gold.

 

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WEST COUNTRY

THIS IS THE purat eaccent went to the souther part of the unied states

talkslow

# I like beans makes I fart then I knows I is healthy I do ot like chees ehtugh buns I up.

 

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WELSH

you want to hear a welsh accent do you? I love jesus and all the things he made for us.

especial the ganka. is tha no  lovley . lend me ten pounds boyo. I got to get back to wales see.

 

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BRUMMY

FROM BIRMGINgah  and th whole of the west midlands

#evident in the name of amy#

ohn encoh powell#

I see the rver foaming with much blood.

what is the natyre of your support.

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OSUTHERN ENGLISH MIDDLE CLSS WOMAN

PLEASE come and stay at the b and b it is ver so nice

 

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DUBLIN

# Are you s going down there now?

O clanbrassil stret ther eis a place for aromatheruapy.

what iis that a cat or a rat or a bat?

qill yous stope speaking irish will youse. are yourse brits. eejist.

 

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DORTSPEAK

RIGHT THE other end is Dublin four accent. media or financial secotr or lawyers

around 2000. kind if disappeard. awfu; .l. does not have courage to sound English or american

 

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BELFAST

smick. sticking out. like a hubristic duck.

my sister has fair hair.

the tapes are fine. they are so cool. in portgelone.

hw is about you?

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DERRY

never Londonderry. even if it was the uk city of culttue.

softer accent. republican people of tyrine.

Donegal is just the same.

 

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MONAGHAN

A NOWHERE place. south ulstet north leinester

are you chaming I used to love to go champin in castleblayeny., there are acid house parties.

 

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CORK POSH

Cork City. it is the finest city in Ireland. montenotte.monte snooty. like the place n rome.

it is a marvellous ace t . in the royal cork yacht club

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CORK WORKING CLASs

I am from ballyphehane

I am after coming from turners cross like to see a GAA game like

is there  a polar bear.? what? Gte out of it. come on so. This is the cokr intenraitonal fexitlva of jazz.

boy or girl. kmnock na heeny

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WEST CORK

here the kerryman hid the penny where the money stuck the peanut.

the kingdom.

I would say he is wasted in etaching

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