An encomium to Nursultan Abishuly Nazarbayev.


President Nazarbayev is the ruler of Kazakhstan. Since 1989 he has been the Great Helmsman of the Kazakh Nation. N A Nazarabyev has guided the ship of state away from many shoals.

His Excellency President Nazarbayev is hailed and lauded by an adoring people. They thong to kiss the hem of his cloak.  He is a man of unexampled liberality. His justice soars as high as the Altai Mountains. His integrity is as deep as the deepest lake. His passion for his sireland burns as hot as the noonday desert. His judgement is as cool as the perma frost. His energy glows like a mighty river in spate.


The president is as strong as an ox. Reputdely, he is a veritable stallion. Damsels plead with him to take them. These nubile females pelt him with their moist thongs. His virility in unsurpassed.

N A Nazarbayev built a new capital astride the River Ishim. It was just what a country with hyperinflation needed. Many people live on $300 a month. They were delightef for billions os dollars to be spent on the Asian Winter Games. They need that more than anything. Orphans in state institutions also approve of money going on vanity projects rather than on them.

Astana is the most exquisite capital on earth. It is more magnificent than Paris and Rome combined. It is resplendent in it fantastic architecture. How apposite it is that much of it was designed by Sir Norman Foster. This was not a case of name dropping in hiring hiM; It speaks volumes about how excellent Kazakh education is that the Leader of the Nation hired a foreign architec to do this. In fairness at least it shows he is not xenophobic.

By unconquerable fidelity the this sagacious statesman has led his people to prosperity and liberty. He is toasted by all and sundry. Other présidents tug their forelocks to him.

Nazarbayev is rightly revered as the Stalin of the steppe. Nazarbayev joined the Communist Party just after the death of J V Stalin. The Communist Party was known for advancing liberty and respecting human dignity.  The famine in Kazakhstan was totally unconnected to Communist policies. A third of the population died because they suddenly became fussy eaters.

The president was secretary general of the Communist Party of the Kazakh Soviet Socialist Republic. Nazarbayev as absolutely right to insist that Kazakhstan remain within the USSR. Kazakhstan has never been conquered because no one can defeat this doughty race. This nation applied to be admitted to the USSR. Disparate Kazakh speaking nomadic Muslim tribes had so much in common with the Russian speaking Orthodox Christian factory workers of Moscow.*

The Soviet Union was an unbreakable union of freeborn republics. That is why it broke up. Nazarbayev was adamantly against Kazakh independence until he was all for it. He is not a time server.

Nazarbayev is 77 years old. Thankfully he is in the rudest of health. He may well compete in the Olympic marathon or in an iron man competition. He sleeps soundly as he has no guilty conscience. The Leader of the Nation has a zest for life that would put any party animal in the shade. Being a pious Muslim he has always been absolutely abstemious when it comes to spirituous liquors. Except when it is fashionable to drink.

It is wonderful that Kazakhstan has such a free press. The media fearlessly expose wrongdoing. It is only ever the opposition that does wrong. Their crimes are heinous. This nation is synonymous with free expression. Liberty is upheld here as in no other land.  Those who do not concur with him on every single issue suffer diseases of the body and soul.

The president is spot on when he persecutes religious minorities. The Jehovahs Witnesses are a scourge. The president is right to ban this Dangerous doomsday cult. These pacifists pose an existential threat to Kazakhstan. It is not at all fascistic to prohibit this religion just as the Third Reich did. If the J W s were allowed to preach then Kazakhstan might fall into a new dark age like Sweden, New Zealand or Japan. These are dirt poor countries.

The president was right to reintroduce the death penalty for paedophiles. This is a step forward. It was not a case of demagoguery or distracting people from economic collapse and kleptocracy.

Kazakh prisons are very luxurious. Dissidents are clamouring to get into theM. Innocnet people are never found guilty. Erudite judges dispense equal justice. They do so without fear or favour. The judicial system is known throughout the world to be impartial. It is a model for other lands.

Nazarbayev has a very strict security Policy. Journalist is the same as terrorist. If anyone dares to disagree with the president then may his tongue shrivel.

The president never wanted anything named after him. He is so modest. It is just that people could not think of anyone or anything else to name things after.

It is delightful that Nazarbayev University bears the glorious name of the president. Likewise the intellectual schools. There is no more celebrated intellectual than Nazarbayev. He is a peerless orator and his writer eclipses that of Pushkin. As a stylist he is unsurpassed. None of his work is ghosted. He sets his face against plagiarism.

No an ob has ever gone missing from state coffers. Graft does not exist in the Kazakhstan Republic. The president sees to that. He is a man of simple tastes and lives within his means. People give him disinterested gifts of hundreds of millions of dollars. This is merely an expression of appreciation for the superb job he is doing. The Republic of Kazakhstan is the only country in the world where there is such a thing as a free luncheon. Do not believe stinking lies about their being a blat system in Kazakhstan. Public officials and CEOs of semi state enterprises are appointed solely on the basis of merit. In the civil service their is open competition for appointments

Prince Andrew felt humbled to meet Nazarbayev because the président s lineage is so much more distinguished. His Royal Highness is known as a man of discernment in choosing his friends and he was mightily impressed by the présidents incorruptibility.  Those who offer the prez douceurs are given short shrift. He has never accepted a brass farthing in a dishonest way.

Kazakhstan has very amicable relations with China. Astan and Beijing agree on human rights being sacred. They are also countries where bribery is unknown. Kazakhstan has given a lot of contracts to Montenegrin companies because they never pay kickbacks.

US and British companies are at a disadvantage in Kazakhstan. This has Nothing whatever to do with the Corrupt Foreign Practices Act.

Kazakhstan lacks only one thing. It does not have enough monuments and institutions named in honour of Nazarbayev. The president is conspicuous in his self -effacemenet. He is so modest that he is intolerant of sychophants. People just cannot think of anything else to name things after.

Mr President is the subject of a hagiography by that most estimable British statesman Jonathan Aitken. Aitken is a man of unimpeachable integrity and has never told a fib in his life. J Aitken is the best Prime Minister the United Kingdom never had. That is why it was singularly apposite for this man to write a biography of Nazarbayev who has also never told a porky pie in his life.

Those who dislike the president are fascists pure and simple. Fascism involves a preposterous cult of the personality. It would require the press being muzzled and the judiciary being suborned. A fascist regime would run show trials in kangaroo courts where dissidents are wrongfully convicted of trumped up charges.  Fascism means that political prisoners are held on bogus charges.  The conditions in prisons would be abysmal. Under a fascist system sham élections are held. Such élections would not meet international standards. It would be accompanied by courting religious authorities.  In a fascist land the police would shoot peaceful protestors dead with impunity. None of this has ever happened in Kazakhstan.

*The Zhenaozhen protestors were terrorists. The fact they were unarmed made them very perilous to the life of the nation. The demonstrators were not shot it was just that these people ran onto bullets.  The bullets were badly hurt by the protestors body and that is the tragedy. It was sickening that the demonstrators asked to be paid their salaries.

The president is a sincere MusliM. When he was a communist he never denounced religion as a fraud.  The president was not very religious in his youth. He became a fervent Muslim at precisely the moment when this started to be politically advantageous.

N A Nazarbayev shows solidarity with his fellow Sunni Muslims.  He believes in supporting his co religionists around thr world. That is why he recognised Israel. It also explains why he is so friendly with Putin who has never demonised Muslims and whose troops never killed a single Muslim civilian in Chechnya. ¨Putin would never false accuse Crimean Tatars of religious extremism just because they would rather not be conquered by a man who praises Stalin who ethnically cleansed them.  It is also why Nazarbayev is si supportive of Assad. The Syrian présidents men have not harmed the hair on the head of even one Sunni civilian.

The president was subjedted to foul slurs by Rakhat Aliyev. May his bones rot! This Aliyev as forked tongued and thoroughly evil. It was horrific that Austria did not extradite him sooner to face justice. R M Aliyev committed lots of crimes while he held high office in Kazakhstan. The president know Nothing about that the head of his security servicde was doing. Do not believe vile mendacities dished up in the fascist press abroad.

In less happy lands people live Under the yoke of oppression. These bludgeoned races are the deniznes if Switzerland;, Norway, Australia, Canada and suchlike hellholes.  Many luckless people from these shattered states have sought emancipation from the wicked despots who torment. They flock to Kazakhstan and seek asylum. They come to ALMATY AND ASTana because the cherish the freedom of the press that this country exemplifies. The media in Kazakhstan is not a Nazarbayev mouthpiece. In nations such as France the media is no more than a megaphone for the dictator. The Kazakh press does not act as a PR agency for the president and his family.

A man of judgment and unimpeachable honesty like Tony Blair honours Nazarbayev. Blair saw in the president a kindred spirit. Nazarbayev is a fellow moderniser . Just like Gaddafi and Karimov He has a post modern attitude to human rights. Nazarbayev is quite right : journalist = terrorist.*

Blind loyalty to Mosows policies is not a case of if you cannot beat them join them. It just so happens that Nazarbayev agrees with every word that Putin ever said.

98 per cent of people voted for the president. The rest are mentally ill. People love to be loyal to this  president of unsurpassed splenderousness. His accomplishments have stupified the world. In a millennium one could not extoll his deeds.

Nazarbayev is a humanitarian like Genghis Khan. He is bathed in the radiance of both the sun and the moon. He is a pious Muslim warrior like Aurangzeb. People are happy to exalt hiM. Verily, Kings abase themselves in his awesome presence. The firey orb in the celestial régions emits its rays out his proverbial.

May he live 10 000 years!


About Calers

Born Belfast 1971. I read history at Edinburgh. I did a Master's at UCL. I have semi-libertarian right wing opinions. I am married with a daughter and a son. I am allergic to cats. I am the falling hope of the not so stern and somewhat bending Tories. I am a legal beagle rather than and eagle. Big up the Commonwealth of Nations.

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