Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov.

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I wish to pay tribute to Gurbanguly Berdymukhemmedov.

The President is the most splendiferous personage of the past six millennia. For the sake of brevity he shall be referred to as the president hereinafter.

He is a dedicated practitioner of dentistry. He was acclaimed by the people as they leader they craved. He is the saviour of the nation. His intellectualism is world renowned. The most cleverest scholars of the most distinguished universities cannot approach his level of erudition. His writing is abstruse yet lucid. He is also extremely muscular. He is he-man. He is an exceptionally good looking young man and women are thrown at him. Throw themselves at him. His person is like unto a horse.

Turkmenistan has been freed from Russian rule which is why it takes orders from Moscow. The country is now entirely democratic. Its democracy is certified by a true democrat in the shape of Aleksander Lukashenko.

The Turcoman media is the freest in the world. Nowhere else is the media free to compose interminable paeans to the splendour of the president. Quite rights the words and deeds of the national hero are the lead item on the news each day

The president has been beset by malicious rumour mongers. These foul fiends have cast aspersions on his probity.. He is a man of unimpeachable integrity. He is as honest as his hair is black.

Some scurrilous slurs have been made by malevolent persons. Theirs shall be a grisly fate.  Those who do not agree with the president are terrorists. Those who criticise the president in private are evil. The president has a solution for such people. A final solution!

Anyone who votes for another party is blatantly in Al Qa’eda. People are either partisans of the president or they are ISIS. There are no other attitudes in the world.

People are very happy to let the president dictate the minutiae of their lives. Every facet of their existence must be governed by the judicious omniscience of the president.

The president is not at all avaricious and lives very simply. He is extremely humble which is why he spends millions on a palace. He looks after the impecunious very well.

At the name Berdymukhammedov the trees clap their hands and sing. He is supercalifragelisticexpialodocious.

Let our motto be one republic, one people, one leader!

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About Calers

Born Belfast 1971. I read history at Edinburgh. I did a Master's at UCL. I have semi-libertarian right wing opinions. I am married with a daughter and a son. I am allergic to cats. I am the falling hope of the not so stern and somewhat bending Tories. I am a legal beagle rather than and eagle. Big up the Commonwealth of Nations.

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