Daily Archives: May 19, 2015

A few quips at the expense of a fraudster Aluard.


Dear Aluard

 How are you? I hear you are not socialising these days. Are you ok?
 I had a bath in champagne this morning. That is because I am extremely successful and wealthy from all my clever business ventures.
Which rugby team did you play for? I would love to know all about your exploits.
 Yours fondly,
aluard 13 May (5 days ago)

Dear Portley In fine fettle busy working! Clients to service very busy! Life d…

14 May (4 days ago)

Dear Aluard

 I am over the moon to know you are well.
 I am thriving here. I dine out every night. I only ever eat in the most expensive restaurants.
 Your business is blatantly doing extremely well which is why you have houses in Greece, France, Ireland etc….
 Michael D Higgins will be retiring in 3 years. Will you be throwing you hat into the ring for the Presidency?
 Yours sincerely,
Aluard 15 May (3 days ago)

Portley Aru OK? Stop taking whatever you are doing or taking! Played rugby aga…

In fine fettle busy working! Clients to service very busy! Life does not revolve around DOSC! I was there last week but you and John galloped off before one could say hello!
15 May (3 days ago)

Portley  The next President will be from Munster and he drives a wheel chair he…

The next President will be from Munster and he drives a wheel chair he should have got the nomination last time! He is an MEP! I have been working on Brian Crowley’s various campaigns for years as a friend from West Cork!
Here is his profile you heard it first here!  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Crowley
He hold the highest personal vote ever in Irish politics in an election in the modern era leave you to research! Keep you busy from getting pissed in your bath!

15 May (3 days ago)

to aluard

Dear Aluard

 Thanks for the tip on Crowley.
 I am short of money for food this month. A multi millionaire like you can afford to lend me 20 000 Dirhams surely. I will pay you back when the next big deal comes through..
 Yours sincerely
Aluard 16 May (2 days ago)

portley Ask Mum and Dad! Just had lunch with them and they told me you OK? Joi…

Ask Mum and Dad! Just had lunch with them and they told me you OK? Join the Foreign Service for UK Govt! Go online you fit the profile! Guy is in agreement!
I played with Cork Con! your Dad was Capt of UCC Beagles! Andrew is busy finishing finical exams in the City of London.

16 May (2 days ago)

Here is your chance! Follow instructions below.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Andrew Feldman – Conservative Party Chairman <bulletin@mail.conservatives.com>

Dear Aluard

 I was not just drinking champagne in the bath.  I had my butler  fill the bath up with several magnums of champagne. He warmed it first of course.
 I am disgustingly rich. I live an extremely extravagant and decadent lifestyle. You should invest in me if you are smart. I will put the money into liquidities.
What was Andrew’s role for Abramovich? When I meet Abramovich on the Costa Smeralda thhis summer I will ask him about it. How come Andrew is not translating my Russian text?
 The Foreign Service would not pay enough for me.
 You played rugger for UCC? I am surprised since you went to the School of Commerce.
Gerry . 14:17 (10 hours ago)

Hi Protley I played with Cork Con! your Dad was Capt of UCC Beagles! Andrew is…

16:37 (8 hours ago)

Dear aluard

 Cork Constitution is a fine team. I wish I was good enough to play for them. I really miss rugger.
 I was bowled over when you said Andrew had a French accent. It is a surefire mark of sophistication. I only wish I was so cultured.
Can you get me a job in baking. I am a ladies’ man like yourself. Being devastatingly handsome and extremely charming is not enough. I have to keep all my girlfriends’ in diamonds.
 You were not around for a few days before 7 May. I presumed you were in London sorting out the election for Cameron. I met Cameron once but the Queen and I hate name droppers.
You are loaded so I am sure you would not mind lending me 50 000 Dirhams because I am peckish. You are stinking rich so you will not notice this amount of money.
 I must go and flagellate the scullery maid!
 Kind Regards,


Dear Aluard

I had copious bottles of bubbly for breakfast.
I do not have a groat in the bank. Can you help?
I presume you are not replying because you are busy making deals. I admire you for being a suave, stylish and discerning gentleman of probity.
I would like to meet your 21 year old Nigerian girlfriend. She wants you for your body.
Kate Middleton and her mum are the first  mother and daughter pair I ever had. Carole Middleton is insatiable. ”More, more, more – my turn with the handcuffs!”
Next time she comes around you must help me. We will take it in shifts.
Would you go into business with me? You would be marketing Kate Middleton’s breast milk?
I would not return to London. I was there during the riots. Hordes of coked up yardies were war whooping along the street hell bent on buggering the life out of us respectable householders.
Which part of France did Andrew get his accent from? Sounded like a French city called Dublin.
 Kind Regards,


Dear Aluard

 How are you doing? I am trying to be as refined as you.
 I am top hole. One of my drivers will be coming for me this arvo. I have several drivers – Kanat, Zhenia, Zhanibek, Andrei, Slava and others.
The car  I use has the registration AAA 111. I have seven cars here. I have a Filipina maid named Ruby and a Filipina butler cannot remember his name. There is Misha the chef and another chef. I have about ten bodyguards. Armed ones come in the car. Their names are Oais, Arman. Serik, Yerik, Turar and there are others.
How is business?
I shall be cruising on my super yacht aroun Sardinia in July. Do you wish to join us when we put in at Monaco? I shall be aboard Kinta. Look it up. No bullshit!
 Kind Regards,


Dear Aluard

 I suppose you are too busy wheeler dealering to reply.
Could you lobby for me to get the Nobel Prize for Literature? I write a lot of fiction: bad cheques.
I am doing a law degree; a BL as you said. They will offer me to be Chief Justice of the Irish Supreme Court. The salary is a couple of million Euros a year. I could not live on such starvation wages.
I am very affluent. I am broke and the bank is demanding payment.
I was immensely impressed that your daughter’s boyfriend is going to be a surgeon. It is staggering that a schoolboy can be certain of getting in to read Medicine let along becoming a surgeon. But that is how high status you are that you have this assured for him.
When I toured with Elton John I learnt modesty. I am proud to tell everyone that I never boast.
Must get back to work. These servants do not sack themselves you know!
 Yours sincerely,