I dreamt that Kate Middleton had been my girlfriend. I was meeting her a few years on. She was affable and humorous. We smiled and tittered gaily. She wore a magnolia dress fringed with navy blue. She wore high heels and looked as lively and radiant as ever. She was only a few months pregnant. I saucily quipped that maybe I should slip her one for old time;’s sake. It would not be an attempt on the Throne seeing as one cannot impregnate a girl who is already carrying a child. I joked that I could not be executed for treason for this.
I awoke almost believing that this babe used to be my bird.
I elided her in my dream with my slightly chubbier ex girlfriend Claudia. I was thinking of Claudia since I walked past her flat on Fulham Palace Road on Thursday night. First time since 2008. More to the point – she is engaged now. Maybe she will have a baby soon. I often lament that I did not fertilise her.
There was also ane pisode of my dream when I taunted Ilham the smiling snake. I blagged that odious little menstruating cunt into coming to my gaffe at five bells in the morn. The merkin told my mate Neil that I was a bad liar for doing this. In my dream I patted his prematurely grey head. Drone strike!