It is apt to compose a valentine to girlkind. I do not like the word ‘woman’ overmuch – it is middle aged and frumpy. I am a boy – if that allays any feminist paranoia about being condescending. Here are some the the renowned babes to whom I take a shine.
This one time star of Biker Grove was unknown me until I was about 18 and she hit it big fronting a show for MTV. She is a gorgeous and homely – never conceited. She seems down to earth and effortlessly stunning. She comes across as real, warm and approachable. I like her figure – she is slender without being unhealthy. I like her brown-blonde mass of hair and her delicate yet not fragile features. Her Geordie accent is mild enough not to be off putting.
I remember a schoolboy asking me in 2006 whom I considered to be the hottest girl on the planet. I named the said Scarlett. She is a bit of a scarlet woman in what she wears. Pillar box red lips offset her outfits. She has beestung hips and extraordinary poise. I like her complexion and her shape. She is perhaps overly opinionated and I disliked her scathing vitriol against George W Bush. I would never have her down as being a half Jewess – and no I am not an anti-Semite. She comes across as more Nordic and yea she is half Danish. I fancy Jewesses too – of which more later. Scarlet is such a temptress. I did not like the look she put on when she played that part in a film set in Japan opposite Bill Murray. She played a slob.
She is the thinking man’s babe. This delightful brunette Harvard graduate was a research assistant to Professor ALAN Dershowitz. Her Zionism is a little strident but this does not detract from her wiles. She is cerebral and beautiful in equal measure. There is no contradiction between the twain. I like her skin tone – her liquid eyes and her perfect figure. She dresses in a ladylike manner.
She was such a looker though maybe leggy. In February 2011 I was in Kensington Gardens and a photographer was waiting outside a top end restaurant. This lanky babe swanked out in all her short silk finery. I asked him who it was – it was none other than the ever bubbly Cat Deeley.
Marrying that complete prick Russell Brand must count to her debit. But she is very attractive. She is tall, sassy and busty. I like her black locks and her vivid eyes. She has such a healthy complexion. I like her catchy songs and her fun personality. She is risque but never whorish. Her bi try anthem – I kissed a girl and I liked it – inspired a generation of babes to get their boyfriends’ juices flowing by lezzing off in public. For that alone she deserves a Nobel Prize.
This radiant lady is breathtaking. I remember what she looked at 18 when she sang Crazy in Love. She struts so arrogantly across a car park clad in a crop top and denim hots pants. Those bright red heels set off her fulsome thighs and perfectly formed calves. Only she could writhe around a wooden deck and make it look stylish. I like her aesthetically ecstatic face and her ample bosom. At 18 she was perhaps a trifle too skinny. I liked it in Survivor when she pranced around the jungle in animal skins. The mock camouflage did not ring my bell quite so much. Her skin tone is perhaps a shade too pallid for my taste. But as for the mulatta she is the perfect match. I like black girls who are properly black. Pregnancy made her beauty blossom. Her soaring anthems and spellbinding lyrics have endorphins inundating my frontal lobe. If there is a goddess it is her.
This Welsh songbird is a lady of exceptional beauty and talent. She is self-assured but does not have a haughty mien. Her long, luscious locks and gleaming eyes exude enchantment. She wears long silk dresses that are low enough to indicate there is a more earthy side to her. She comes across as very genuine. She is self-assured but never conceited. Her buxom figure and full lips ooze sexuality. She has pretty skin that is perhaps a touch too tanned. She is the thinking man’s totty. Her sonorous chorals and winning stage presence add up to truly fantastic girl. I admire her on all levels. She is soulful and pure without being virginal. I have seen footage of her in a barely there dress singing God Save the Queen at a racecourse. It felt wrong to be standing to attention as my old fellow was also standing to attention. She radiates kindness and a soulful sexuality.
This full bodied English blonde bombshell is gifted in the gay science. She belts out some jumping tunes. Her elan vital and gleaming, mesmerising eyes are winning. Her perfect complexion, confidence and natural style have me agog. This siren is joyful. I like watching the video of her getting 10 000 revellers in a Berlin nightclub crying out for more. The fedora hat was a fashion crime but the knee high black leather boots complimented her thick thighs. Those hot pants were a treat and her skin tight silver boob tube was choice. At would have been better if at the crescendo she has torn off her top to reveal her uberous cans. She is a splendid girl.