Funny names for gay bars that I have invented.


For air stewards – ”the cockpit.”

Friends of Dorothy

Romeo and Julian

Sherlock Homo

Man2 Man



The Cottage

The Wolfenden (as in Wolfenden Report)

The Blue Oyster (an allusion to police academy)

Rear Admiral

Inspect your gadget (police theme)

Romeo and Julius

Adam and Steve

Jerry Falwell – just to piss off the dead bigot’ s ghost

Fred Phelps – just to piss off the living bigot.

The Public Convenience.


Greek Love

The Athlete.

Meat Market


Men to Boys (as in reversal of Boyz to men the pop group)

The Bottom Inspectors. [An allusion to the Viz magazine cartoon]


It’s raining men

Planet Queer

Planet Poof


Garland’s (as in Judy)

The Yellow Brick Road

Dorothy’s friends.


An S and M themed bar – ”Purgatory”

House of Fun.

The Pink Oboe.

The Do Cum Inn.

The Bent Copper.


Going my way sailor?

Swallowing seamen.


The glory tub

With a picture of a youthful rooster on the signboard outside – ”The Young Cock”

The Big Cock.

The Hair Dresser

Down an alleyway – ”the back passage.”

”The rear entrance”

The Dirty Hole.

The Tight spot.

Naughty n’ Nice.

Between a cock and a hard place.

Pink Planet

Alexander the Gay.

The AIDS victim.

Bareback Mountain.

The Horny Hairdresser

The Male Nurse

The Air Steward

Camp Site.

Row of Tents.


About Calers

Born Belfast 1971. I read history at Edinburgh. I did a Master's at UCL. I have semi-libertarian right wing opinions. I am married with a daughter and a son. I am allergic to cats. I am the falling hope of the not so stern and somewhat bending Tories. I am a legal beagle rather than and eagle. Big up the Commonwealth of Nations.

20 responses »

  1. The Rocking Bottom was one I came up with which sounds appropriate but I decided if I ever own a gay club I would water it down so that it was called the Rocking Chair.

  2. Hard boy
    m.y m.anhood a.ches(M.M.A.)
    Bag o nuts
    the wet cigar
    bottoms up
    want to try new things
    homophobes welcome
    backdoor boys
    ding dong long
    the ass pirate

    Take me for a drag

    the boy’s wonder
    Fill em up cowboy

    Yank my crank

    • You are most welcome. I assure you I am not anti-gay at all and I have many gay friends. I have no objection to same sex marriage. This is simply a light-hearted list of imaginary gay hangouts. Astonishingly it gets more hits than any other article. Maybe someone will open a bar with one of the names I dreamt up. People are welcome to crack jokes about straights.

  3. Daddy Warbucks in Palm Desert, CA. lol- not sure if it still exists.
    The Backdoor in Las Vegas, NV. i went in there to use their phone back in 1999 and had all the old bears fighting over me.

    • Dear C, Jokes are not intended to be uncontroversial. I am pleased that you have survived. I would that no one contracted this illness. With anti retrovirals being HIV poisitive need not be life limiting. You dislike my quip? Tough! What do you expect me to do? Delete it off? Fat chance. If you are insulted by my mirth then look elsewhere. Why are you offended by this humour? AIDS exists. Those who suffer from it are victims are they not? Is this joke mean? Perhaps it is. It is deriving drollery from another’s suffering. We are all going to die. Might as well laugh our way to the grave. How can my comedy make such anguish worse? Laugh at yourself.

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