School songs

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Tune: Oh my darling Clementine.

Gigglewick, Giggleswick is a place of misery/ Round the corner there’s a signpost/ Saying welcome unto thee.Gigglewwick, Giggleswick/ If it wasn’t for the teachers/ It would be a paradise.Build a bonfire, build a bonfire/ Put the teachers on the top. / Put the headmaster in the middle/ And burn the bloody lot.

D. R. Ranger is one hell of a man. He walked into a bar with his cock in his hand./ He pissed on the wall /he shat on the floor/ he wiped his ass with a 44.. He lined a hundred sexy maidens up against the wall. /He bet his bottom dollar that he would fuck them all./ He got up to 98 his balls turned blue. /He backed off, jacked off and fucked the other 2./ When he died he went to hell /he fucked the devil’s wife his daughter as well. /His ghost chased a sexy maiden up a tree/ she said –  hey motherfucker leave my pussy be./ On his grave it is written in green. /here lies the body of a sex machine,

Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, I was walking down a lane and I felt a little pain diarrhoea, diarrhoea, I went behind a bush and it came out with a whoosh diarrhoea, diarrhoea . I looked up into space and it came down in my face diarrhoea, diarrhoea. I were climbing up a tree and it slithered down my knee.diarrhoea, diarrhoea . It went into my welly like a hot lump of jelly, diarrhoea, diarrhoea

Tune: In an English country garden. Pull down your pants and suffocate the aunts in an English country garden. Pull down your pants and fertilise the plants in an English country garden.

Tune: Scotland the brave, Here comes a Highland granny. Big tits and a hairy fanny.

Tune: Scotland the brave.

Fart fart the beans are coming. must be the ones I ate this morning. Go round the back do a poo on the lawn. Can’t find the savvy paper use my finger as a backside scraper. That’s what we d on the morning.

Jack and Gill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. God knows what they did up there but now they have got a daughter.

Tune: London’s burning.

School is burning school is burning./ Fire, fire. Fire , fire!/  pour on petrol, pour on petrol/ Send the engines away, send the engines away/ Put your files on, put your files on/ Especially French books/ especially French books.

Tune: Frere Jacques.

School dinners. school dinners. Concrete chips concrete chips. Soggy semolina. Soggy Semolina. I feel sick. Bathroom quick. It’s too late. I’ve done it on my plate.

Beans, beans good for your heart. The more you eat the more you fart. The more you fart the better you feel. Let’s eat beans for every meal.

My old man is a dustman he wears a dustman’s cap he took me round the corner to watch a football match. Oh fatty passed to skinny, skinny passed it back. Fatty took a rotten shot and knocked the goalie flat. Oh where was the goalie when the ball was in the net? He was half way up the goal post with his knickers round his neck. They put him on a stretcher they put him on a bed they rubbed his bum with pedigree chum and this is what he said. 

Mary had a little lamb she thought it was quite silly she threw it up into the air and caught it by its willy was a watchdog sleeping in the grass along came a bee and stung it up the ask no questions tell no lies I saw a policeman doing up his flies are a nuisance bees are worse this is the end of my silly little verse.

When I die bury me hang my balls on a cherry tree. When they are ripe take a bite and don’t blame me if you die of fright.

God save our first fifteen, long live our first fifteen, God save our team.

We are the ___ girls we wear our hair in curls we wear blue dungarees down to our sexy knees. We don’t smoke or drink that is what our parents think. But when it comes too boys we make a lot of noise.  I met this dishy guy he was giving me the eye. My mother was surprised to see my belly rise. My daddy jumped for joy, it was a baby boy.

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About Calers

Born Belfast 1971. I read history at Edinburgh. I did a Master's at UCL. I have semi-libertarian right wing opinions. I am married with a daughter and a son. I am allergic to cats. I am the falling hope of the not so stern and somewhat bending Tories. I am a legal beagle rather than and eagle. Big up the Commonwealth of Nations.

4 responses »

  1. Giggleswick, giggleswick is a place of misery, when you get there, there’s a signpost, saying welcome unto thee.
    Don’t believe it, don’t believe it, it’s a pack of bloody lies. if it wasn’t for the teachers it would be a paradise.
    Build a bonfire, build a bonfire, put the teachers on the top, put the prefects in the middle and burn the bloody lot.

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